The Bear Families Share

The Bear Family Left had just been joined by The Bear family Right. The Left Bear Family didn’t understand The Bear Family Right but thought they were right. The Right Bear Family didn’t understand The Bear Family Left but thought they were Right. The boys in the Bear Family Left made a very long list of complaints about the Bear Family Right and sent it to them after an event at house the bear parents shared.

The sons of The Bear Family Left complained about how they were treated, why the house they now visited that was originally owned by The Bear Family Right had rules. They had rules growing up, but for some reasons those rules should not apply in the Bear Family Right home.

bears81-1024x716The same sons thought they should be served only on the best crystal, china and silver, but could not understand why they had to help clean up anything. They thought it was now their house, but with that came none of the responsibility of the home where they grew up and were expected to help clean up after meals. They wanted to be able do anything they desired in the house, but none of the responsibility of helping to maintain the house.

The Bear Family Right suggested maybe paper plates might be fine for a picnic since there were so many people in attendance, then there would be no argument about who was to clean up the mess. The sons of The Bear Family Left were insulted with the idea of paper plates for an outdoor barbecue, and felt they were being treated unfairly when they were not free to use all the things in the house that The Bear Family Right had collected for many years, treasured and did not want broken.

The Bear Family Right did not ever have the chance to explain any of the significance of the cherished pieces because it did not matter to The Bear Family Left. The Bear Family Left felt that if it was in the house it should be used in whatever matter they desired. If they wanted to take crystal to the beach that had been a gift from a dear friend, now departed; they felt they had the right. It was okay with them to put beautiful cut crystal bowls on the rickety outdoor table, They did not know or apparently care that it was last gift from The Bear Family Right’s late husband. They told The Bear Family Right that if anything was worth it should be sold, not cherished.

Because The Bear Family Right asked to be careful of some of these things, The sons of The Bear Family Left became extremely angry. They huffed and they puffed, they sent degrading emails to their father, telling him how totally horrible this person that he loved and married treated them. The mother of The Bear Family Right never once had the opportunity to explain any of it.

The sons of The Bear Family Left felt the Bear Family Right had forced their father to sell his home and move into her beautiful beach front cottage. What they did not realize is that the beach cottage was worth a lot more money and would be a better investment after the retirement of the father.

The father of The Bear Family Left had two rather exotic cars when he married the mother of The Bear Family Right and bought one more after they met. The sons did not know the story behind the new red Porsche, they just thought the new bear wife had forced him to sell his favorite toys. The new bear wife thought the toys were very pretty, especially the Mustang and did not want him to sell his toys. One by one he sold them, as he felt that part of his life was in the past and he wanted simple nice/functional cars to drive going forward. Maybe his sons did not know that the Porsche he traded in caught on fire spontaneously the day after he traded it in. That could have happened in the garage. His sons never knew that his new wife had always driven Porsches and sold the last one shortly before they met. The sons knew so very little about her history and never asked.

The sons described the new bear wife as being cold, self-serving, constantly negative, extremely rude, extremely disrespectful, confrontation, condescending, short (true as she is not very tall), ridiculous and insulting. They felt they were not welcome in the home their father shared with her and that she treated them with desrespect. The father has yet to figure out why they feel this way because she is the happy and positive person in their personal relationship. It should make one stop and wonder how the bear wife felt whenever they came to visit?

The sons of The Bear Family Left were troubled by how they felt she treated their father and that she somehow wanted to change and control him in every way. They felt she had taken his retirement, (which he lost when he was let go) his house, his cars and his money.  They did kind of forget that she might have brought equal or more to the marriage, but had never bothered to ask. The Bear Family Left sons knew very little about The Bear Family Right or what their history was or what they had accomplished.

One day the oldest son of The Bear Family Left thought he had enough of it when the bear wife asked if he would mind staying with his dog in the fully furnished art studio above the garage, as new carpet had just been installed in the house and the wife had asthma. She asked him very nicely with the bear father standing at the front door, unbeknownst to the son.

The son grabbed his dog, went out the back door, coming in swearing a couple of minutes later.  He seemed to forget there was a six year-old baby bear in the room and a son of The Bear Family Right.  He called the bear wife many bad names and shouted he was going to find her and tell her off.  She had been sitting in her adjacent office and heard it all.  She calmly told him she was there and that she would like his father to be there to hear what all he had to say.

She walked to the front of house looking for his father and he followed yelling at her. By the time the father was found too many false accusations to mention had been screamed at the wife.  She finally yelled “No one can talk to me like that in this house”.

He left and the older bear couple went for a walk with the baby bear.  Everyone was unhappy. When they returned, the older sister on The Bear Family Left came in the house in tears. She and her father talked and she left in a huff. Nothing good was going to happen in this situation. The rest of the day she would not let her bear daughters play with the other baby bear.  No one was happy and the bear wife never ever got to try to talk to anyone.  She was now a “fucking bitch”, according to son and treated everyone horribly. I guess they did not know that was one more thing finally accomplished on her bucket list.  Next year she would volunteer to be the horse poop picker upper.  She figured that had equal stature on the list.

The Bear Family Right was very upset as she had always tried to be as nice as possible. She had helped The Bear Family’s youngest son get into architecture school, spending hours redoing his portfolio, rewriting his entry letter and helping more than once redo his resume. His portfolio had been selected as one of the best at the architecture school and was on display.  She had taken a month to plan a wedding shower and later a rehearsal dinner for the youngest son and his finance, doing all the cooking herself, designing invitations and inviting a lot of young people she did not know into the beach cottage. She had spent time talking to the oldest bear son when he was having marital problems and spent several hours rewriting a resume for a girl he met. She was the one that sent cards, gifts and always remembered important events. Yet, here she was a terribly horrible person that they all had hated since they met her.

The children of The Bear Family Right and the father of The Bear Family Left do not understand why they think she is bad. They had never seen her treat the other family badly as they say, or be negative or rude. They never heard her insult them, confront them or be condescending. They do not feel she treated them like children, unless trying to get their attention to come to dinner is a childish way to say dinner is ready. The bear father is still trying to figure out what she said that was hurtful or traumatizing as they say it was. She is trying to figure out the same.

The Bear Family Right said every visit was overshadowed by constant tension. If they felt that way and the rest of the family did not know it, how do you change it? If you can’t talk about things and feel you can only express yourself via explosive behavior or very nasty emails, how do you solve anything? This is not intellectual thinking, this boorish childlike behavior.

Moral of the bear story: Don’t hold negative feelings  inside and blame how you personally feel on everyone around you.  As in most situations there is more than is seen at the surface, but if you do not have the conscience to delve a little deeper, then you deserve the consequences.

Aftermath: The mama bear got to go to Urgent care with an asthma attack brought on by dog hair and bad air. The family is now split due to where a dog slept and life goes happily along.


The Bear Families Share

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