Growing up in a rural farming community, we all got together for Thanksgiving and for Christmas.  Family, extended family, aunts, uncles, cousins and neighbors all brought their special food to share on these two very family oriented days.  We gave thanks that we had health, not particularly wealth; but we all had the joy of spending time together sharing stories, food and joy.  As I grew older, going to college, losing my father, watching my own mother deteriorate with bi-polar disorder I noticed the get-togethers were den-dolling. We just didn’t get together anymore.  Grandparents were getting older, aunts and uncles did not want to take on the responsibility, so what happened I am not sure.  I moved further away to continue my studies and had dinner with a cousin while in LA, but there was no extended family invited anymore.  They were either less, or not close.  I often wonder what happened to them all, as I have never kept in touch.

As I married, my late husband was close to his family, so they became my family and as we grew our family we all got together.  We tried to include my own mother, but it was difficult as she suffered from bi-polarism and no longer related to the outside world.  My brother eventually married and they added to our circle of holiday celebration.   Once again time passed, we added friends to our celebrations and it felt like home to me.

At forty I was widowed, and it seemed my extended family went away.  I kept trying to have the holidays, but the joy was no longer there for me for many years.  A few close friends stayed, but living far away we did not get together for holidays.  Often it would be just my boys and me for the celebration and as they grew older and moved on in their lives, coming home for the holidays was no longer important to them.  I watch families get together on the holidays on Facebook and am sad that mine are no longer with me on those two days a year.  We talk and I hear about their parities or where they went, but somehow it makes me sad that I am no longer a real part of it all.

I used to look forward to the happy days together.  This year I cooked for two days, for my one son and my husband and we sat down and were done in fifteen minutes.  What do you do to make the holidays a celebration as you get older?  Moving to another small city I seem to have lost the friends I had that lived a mere ten miles away.  Guess life changes and you either accept the changes or do something to change it.  You can’t do it over and it does no good to complain.  No one listens or they think you are a grump.  I am not complaining, I am just wondering what you do to make it better.  Maybe I need a new community.


Everyone should believe they can be a Princess

Everyone should believe they can be a Princess

My beautiful grand daughter left to go back to SF with her father after spending three weeks with me. The house is quiet, the toys are packed up and put and away and there is a very empty space in my house and in my life. He will have a a small Christmas back in SF with his girlfriend.

I am looking for the faith in Christmas. It is Christmas Eve day, and we already did Christmas while she was here, so no plans for the actual Christmas day. No big dinner, no lots of friends and family.

As you grow older and your children have their own lives, it is your place in life to accept that you need to redesign your Christmas.

I always loved the Holidays, as it meant family and friends, great food and festivities. Growing up, my mother’s family was close by, so all the aunts and uncles would get together with great food and loud conversation. As I grew and married everyone lived further apart and the tradition seemed to dwindle.

Now, I am in my 60’s and celebrated Christmas morning on the 21st, so I could watch my beautiful three year old grand daughter open presents and was thrilled with the joy of watching her excitement. It was so nice to have two of my sons for dinner and conversation. But where is the rest of the connected family.

It is Christmas Eve day and I am grateful to have all my family members healthy, no matter where they live. I didn’t do Christmas cards this year and most likely will only send a few out to my close friends, as last year, I did not mention one wife that was between jobs and one girlfriend and I became the scum of the earth for not saying anything. One of things I have decided as I look to the New Year is that you cannot make everyone happy. Of my immediate family I was the only one to send out cards with photos of all them; but rather than enjoying what I wrote, it was the complaint of what I did not write.

It is a beautiful sunrise this morning once again, and time to think about the sunrises in our lives, enjoy the moment, let the unhappy people in our lives be unhappy without making us feel that way, put on our Princess Crown and remember what Christmas is all about. It is not what is once was with family and friends in my life, but knowing they are independently happy will have to be enough joy for me to share with the world.

May you find “The Princess” in your life and in your heart and accept the beautiful life we are all lucky enough to enjoy.

Not my ordinary blog, but something I have been thinking about for a while.